Christmehs

I like Christmas well enough.

Most of the decorations are pretty (except for multicolored lights). People are generally happier (unless you work in retail). People talk about Jesus more (though let me say that he was probably not born on Christmas day...shocker). The music is alright (only between November 26th-December 31st though. And the food is simply divine (the calories, however, are not).

So, I mean, Christmas is OK. I give it 2 thumbs up.

The only thing that REALLY gets me excited about Christmas is giving. That sounds cliche, doesn't it? But it's true. I go on a month-long investigation of the "perfect" gifts for everyone I know. And I don't mean that figuratively. I literally want to give everyone presents. I have to reel myself in sometimes when I start thinking, "Now what should I get that one girl that I met a couple times and we're Facebook friends...oh what's her name?? I think she likes llamas...that's what her status said...."

The biggest problem about this is that I'm broke. I think if I had more money, I WOULD buy everyone I know presents. Undoubtedly. But since I don't, I have to get creative. Literally.

1. Jonathan and I had a $40 spending limit for each other this year. Both of us got creative. I watched sales and clearance and used my employee discount to get $80 of merchandise for $35. He, on the other hand, Got me a Thanksgiving present, a Christmas present, and "Just because I love you" present. *sigh* He spoils me.

2. Baked goods. Who doesn't love food? Baking mini-loaves of bread or cookies for people is way cheaper than getting them a trinket. And they will probably appreciate it more (unless they're on a diet...) So I made pumpkin gingerbread and gingerbread men for some of my friends. And I'm not done. I'll probably make more baked things for my family. I just can't decide what.

3. Crafts. *Sigh* I'm going to admit something personal here: I don't think I'm very artsy. I mean, I like making cards and painting and such. But I don't think it's good. I compare myself to my family and those famous bloggers and my friends...and I just don't measure up. But, I painted some pictures for people that I love and I just hope they like them. I wanted to get them something expensive, or at the very least practical (how practical is a painting???) but I could not afford it. Let's hope next year is different. I don't qualify a "Jennifer Lewelling original" as a real gift.

So giving is not so meh. Christmas however.....meh.

Opposites Attract

Jonathan and I are different. Way different.

For example, we were raised differently. Besides the whole North/South thing (which makes a big difference to be honest), our parents had different styles. Our environments were very different.

We have different beliefs. Now, it's nothing to write home about. Just those minor opinion issues.

As far as our personalities go, we're on different ends of the spectrum. I'm (daresay) chipper and social and relaxed. Jonathan is serious, quiet, and thoughtful.

Jonathan likes old people. I prefer babies.

Then we have our similarities:

We're both creative. But his is more musical, mine more artistic.

We're both stubborn. Which means when we have differing opinions.......we can't compromise or agree....

And we're both intellectual and logical....which means we could argue our differences and the reasons for them for DAYS.

We both love to read. He likes history and non-fiction....I prefer fiction. (The first time Jonathan realized he liked me what when we fought over what good poetry is.)


SO how are we still together? Listen, sometimes I wonder. Sometimes I wonder how this happened. How this stays together.

Besides our stubborn characteristics, what is holding us together?

I think it's God. And love. We've learned so much from each other. Being different allows us to broaden our horizons and learn new things. We appreciate the differences. Even though we may not agree.

It's not always perfect. We fight sometimes. But most of the time, I love my sweet, shy handsome man. He treats me so well and I could not have asked for anyone better.

More Things about Retail

10 Things Customers Should Never Do to Me at Sears

1. Touch me. If you need my attention, say "Ma'am" or "Excuse me." If you touch me, I'm not liable for hitting you.
   
2. Say "I'm ready to check-out." I am NOT a cashier. If I were, I would be behind a register. I cannot check you out. If you came to the store, you should expect to wait in line.
3. Ask my opinion on clothes. I'm always going to say it looks good so that you'll buy it and make the store more money. Every single time.
   
4. Get close to me. If you need to ask me where something is, say it loudly and from at least a foot away. I don't want to smell your cigarette smoke or body odor.
5. Unfold something and just thrown it back on the table. WHEN YOU UNFOLD SOMETHING, FOLD IT BACK! DIDN'T YOUR MAMA TEACH YOU ANY BETTER?
   
6. Ask me about JCPenny. Or Belk. Or Macy's. I don't know and I don't care.
7. Complain. Again, I don't care.
   
8. Cuss me out. It won't get you anywhere except kicked out of the store.
   
9. Ask to speak to a manager. Chances are, they're going to agree with me. Don't even bother. Because at Sears, the customer is NOT always right.
   
10. Steal things in front of my face. I will call Loss Prevention, they will catch you, and you will be prosecuted.
    

10 Things Sears Does NOT Carry

I know that Sears has the reputation of having everything. Well, yes and no. The website has TONS of stuff....but the store....not so much. Especially not since we have small store. Here are some things people have asked me about that we do not carry in-store:

1. Toilets
2. Beard trimmers
3. Hair dye
4. Girl's belts
5. Reebok jeans (I think she was confused.)
6. The Kardashian Collection
7. Lands End
8. Maternity clothes
9. Petite clothes
10. Halloween costumes (especially in December....)
    

Personality

I took a personality test tonight and I was super surprised at how accurate it was and how detailed the results were. Here's what it said:

Spirit:
You're an Energizer. Outgoing and smiley, you get pleasure from being a really good friend. You have a naturally positive disposition and a whole lot of love to give. You're a natural achiever, which is no surprise with your positive mental attitude. Right now, things are working out well for you and everything seems to be clicking into place! You have a healthy approach to life. Having a regular spiritual practice that gives you a sense of inner peace is one of your priorities. Allowing yourself that kind of time for reflection will have a positive effect. For a lively people person like you, it's especially important to balance the "up" times with some quiet and reflective downtime. You can't expect yourself to run on all cylinders 100 percent of the time. The value of quiet time to meditate on your hopes and desires shouldn't be underestimated.

Relationship:
When it comes to love, you're quite traditional. You believe in making strong commitments. "Forever" isn't a scary word to you! As a Rock Steady, it's important to you that your relationship feels secure. You tend to be realistic about what makes a lifelong partnership work and understand the value of forging a love based on friendship and respect. You believe that a true partnership is about sharing responsibility and being able to count on one another through whatever life throws at you. Creating a true sense of honesty and support means your love will grow as the years go by.

Money:
You care about having a happy family life and enjoying splurging on new items for the home. It's where the heart is, after all. You have a very healthy approach to life. You know that true happiness doesn't come from material things or possessions. It goes much deeper than that and is all about valuing those things you can't put a price on. You like to care for those around you, and if they're happy, you're happy. You appreciate that both highs and lows make up the balance of life and you always try and stay spiritually strong and focused.

Health: (Hello, swift kick in the pants...)
Unappealing as it may seem, it would be good to try to be a bit more active every day. You might be surprised at how much you'd actually enjoy regular exercise. It may sound hard to believe, but endorphins are better than chocolate if you just give them a chance! You may even find that you're in a better mood more often. Start off with something that isn't too intimidating, like climbing the stairs instead of taking the elevator. You might even consider signing up for a few personal training sessions in the gym so that you have a program that's tailored just for you. You may need to think about making a few changes what you eat too. Maybe you could try making homemade versions of your favorite restaurant meals to reduce the sodium and fat content and eat healthier without compromising too much on taste.

Home:
Ever stopped to dream about your perfect life, even for a bit? Thought so! In fact, your grounded nature suggests your dream life isn't too far out of reach. You're not fantasizing about exotic villas or huge mansions - you'd probably be more comfortable in a beautiful house in the suburbs. A nice neighborhood and friendly neighbors would go a long way for you.

Entertainment:
You're creative and inventive, with a flair for transforming everyday objects into something special. After all, what's the point on spending a heap of dollars on something you can probably make yourself? Plus, great homemade gifts have that personal touch you just can't get elsewhere.

Style:
You like to take things easy. Life's busy enough without having to worry about getting dressed up every day. It's about maximum comfort with a splash of style, so it's hard to beat your favorite pair of jeans. But don't forget how good it can feel to give yourself a makeover every now and then. It can work wonders for your self-esteem to refresh your wardrobe, spruce up your hair and put on a great dress. So make sure you schedule a shopping trip and pampering session every few months. You deserve it!

What do you think? True or not? I really want to see what it has to say about Jonathan...... Here's the link if you want to take it....you totally should....

http://personality.visualdna.com/1/index.php

Retail and Review

I've been working at Sears for a month now. I like it. My job title is MCA (or MPA depending on who you ask), which stands for Merchandising and Customer Associate. And the P stands for Pricing. Essentially my job duties include helping customers, organizing racks and tables and stands, putting out stock, taking backstock into the warehouse. Locating stock that we don't yet have room for. Cleaning fitting rooms, moving things from regular price to clearance.

It seems easy and I guess it is. I just had to learn how to use the SNC machine that tags and locates things. And how to read the tags on clothes. All of those weird number and letter combinations mean something. The biggest part of my job is organizing. Whether it be new stuff, stuff already on the floor, or stuff being taken off...it had to be organized. And let me tell you, that is my forte. I quite enjoy it.

When I got hired, the HR lady told me that Sears was a good place to work. I figured she had to say that. But she was right. For the most part, I like all of the people I work with. There's a little bit of a rift between management and associates, but I figure that is everywhere. There's no drama amongst the people in my department, nor any lazy people or slackers.

I'm hoping and praying that this job turns into more than a seasonal job. It's a small chance, but it's possible. My manager says that I have a good chance, and that I'm good at my job.

It seems odd, I know. I have a college degree. In Child and Family Studies. And I'm satisfied with a job in retail. But I've never really put great emphasis on having a good job. I think a job shouldn't be a big part of someone's life. The biggest part should be God. Doing His work. Not earthly work. As long as I'm happy and can pay the bills, I'm satisfied with my job.

I've realized that right now is the happiest time of my life. I like my job. I have great friends. A wonderful magnificent boyfriend. I just love life. And I'm looking forward to the future...whatever may come.

2011 may have begun on a sour note, but it won't end that way. :-) I'm quite happy where God had placed me.

6 Months and a History Lesson (part 1)

Well, Jonathan and I have been dating for 6 months. Half a year. I can't believe it. And to celebrate, let me tell you the history of "us."

We've known each other for 2 years. According to him, we met in the campus coffee shop in Fall 2009 or early Spring 2010. For a long time he was just the nerdy kid that hung around all the Chorale kids. He turned into a great confidant over the summer than I lived in Memphis (even though I don't really remember a lot of that.) And finally, early this year, he became a great and loyal friend when I needed someone.

I never thought about dating him. He was just a friend. Not my type at all. (At that point, my type was self-centered prideful jerkish guys. We all make mistakes.) And then came the Subway "date" in January this year. I was lonely and in need of a friend. He was (apparently) not busy. So we moseyed on over to Subway and had supper. We ended up talking for 2 hours. We even argued about our definitions of good poetry. (We still disagree on that.) And that's when he started liking me.

At that point I was in no position for a relationship. As I've said before on here, I had completely and totally given up on all men everywhere. But Jonathan was a great friend who listened and made me laugh so I asked him to hang out more. And every single time I asked him to hang out, he said yes. It was funny, actually. I thought, "Does this guy have nothing better to do than hang out with me?"

Everyone began noticing his liking to me. I did not. I was completely oblivious to the matter. Mostly because I was such a crazy mess that I thought that no one could like me. And he would never admit to me who he liked.

In March while we were on spring break (I took a vacation to Gatlinburg with some friends and he was in Ohio for the week), everyone kept saying how much he liked me. Finally, being frustrated with it all, I just sent him a text saying, "Do you like me?" Well apparently this freaked him out. The poor guy had never even flirted with a girl! And after he admitted his liking for me, I said, "Well then why don't you ask me out?" So he did. In a text. To which I replied, "Maybe this would be better done in person."

So he did. And the rest is history. Well, the whole dating process was rather rocky for a bit. And also rather hilarious...but we'll save that for another time.

Now, I would like like to take this time to squelch some rumors that may be floating around. I do have a job in Jackson, TN at Sears. This DOES NOT mean we are breaking up, or that our relationship is doomed, or that we don't love each other. We're working around it for now. We plan to see each other twice a month (each of us making a trip to see the other.)

Our relationship is stronger than ever. I literally find new reasons to love him everyday. It's not perfect. We're not perfect, but I believe it's as good as it can be.

Happy 6 Month Anniversary, Jonathan!!!!! :-D

Blessings

I can't even begin to tell you how blessed I have been lately.

Sears hired me as a seasonal employee.

I have another job possibility (that will not be disclosed yet, as it is not definite. So please pray for that.)

Sweet Jonathan came to visit me and it was one of my favorite weekends ever.

I'm constantly surrounded by amazing friends and Christian family.

The editor of a magazine told me that I was a good writer.

I have the time and ability to help others in multiple ways.

My house is big enough to be messy. I have more possessions than I need.

I am loved.

I am blessed.

God is good.

Struggling

I haven't blogged in a while. At least not about anything productive and spiritual. It seems like lately I've lost focus. I'm struggling with finding my place in God's family.

Lately I haven't had a job. Jonathan is not here. I feel like I've been wasting my days. Sure I've kept busy with church stuff and friends. But I haven't really accomplished anything.

I feel like I'm just sitting by waiting for God to do something. Even though I know that He's done enough and it's me who needs to get up and run with it. I just don't know what to do. I need to do SOMETHING, I just don't know what.

Which leads me again to not knowing what I need to accomplish. I mean, I need a job. Duh. I'm tired of looking for that though. It's just a job. It just provides earthly things for me. I don't think a job brings me an spiritual worth.

I need to accomplish a closer relationship with Jonathan. We need to keep growing and learning. A stagnant relationship is a dying one. It's difficult to grow together when we're 3 states apart. Ultimately I feel like this is going to benefit us, and now it's the best option, but we've got to work harder at it.

I've been itching to go on a mission trip lately. Just to get away. Unfortunately, that requires money...of which I do not have. I think that would revamp my spiritual life. I thought about trying to do China Now. (Which involves living in China for a year doing mission work and teaching English.) Jonathan and I talked about it, and the ever-sweet man that he is told me to go for it. Ultimately, I did not. For him, mostly. I don't want to leave him for a year.

Lately, I find myself becoming more irritable and frustrated at senseless things. Like a broken toilet. Or dirty dishes. It's because I've lost my focus. What am I here for? What's my job?

Today needs to be the day I renew my devotion. I don't know what God's doing with me, but I need to look harder. I should never just stop.

I'm open to ideas as well. What do you think I should be doing? Where should I go?

My Guy

My guy...

Doesn't belittle, degrade, or mock me.

Would never hit me, talk about hitting me, or joke about hitting me.

Respects my opinion.

Expects me to do well and work hard.

Thinks I am intelligent.

Is chivalrous, kind to others, and polite.

Laughs with me, not at me...and only about pure things.

Listens to me.

Wants us to go the heaven.

There are so many women out there who do not have this kind of guy. I'm so blessed to have him.

Job....wooooo

As long as I pass the background check and drug test, I will have a job at Sears next week.

This is exciting, right?

I mean, I was excited. My friends are excited. Well....my friends in Tennessee are excited.

If you've been following my blog for a long time (like 3 years or so), you know that I've had a hard time finding a place where I feel at home. I don't feel like Huntingdon or Clarksburg is home. Sure, that's where my wonderful family is and I love them. But I don't fit in that "country" culture.

FHU felt like home for a while then I graduated and left. You grow up and mature and college is no longer home.

And last year Henderson became my home. For once I finally felt comfortable where I was in my life. I had friends and responsibilities. And I fit in here. This is where my roots began to grow.

Then comes sweet Jonathan and Ohio.

And now I'm torn again.

I love where I live. But the most important person in my life wants me to be somewhere else. Close to him.

He's not excited about this job. It means I can't make frequent trips to see him. It means I won't be moving anytime soon. And I won't get to see him as often. That hurts me. But I have responsibilities here. I want to live in Tennessee as long as possible because the hard truth is, if he and I get married I WILL be moving to Ohio.

*sigh* Why does all of this have to be bittersweet?

I've said it before and I'll say it again:
I think this is God's way of reminding me that this world is not my home. I'll never be comfortable here.

Letting Go

I'm usually super organized. And not cluttered. And not messy.

I used to keep my email inbox at 20 emails or less. I was very prompt and regular in cleaning it out.

And then last year happened. And I couldn't bring myself to clean out my email anymore. There were just too many memories. Good and bad.

It just hurt too much to erase all of that.

And my email kept growing and growing. I deleted spam and things. But I kept everything else. Just in case.

And then I started keeping things because I knew that if I started cleaning out my email, eventually I'd get to the end. The haunting end where all of those skeletons were.

It would hurt. To know that things aren't the same as they were then.

I was hoarding. Hoarding in my email account. Because I didn't want to let go.

I recently told Jonathan about this. It was really getting to me that I have over 600 emails in my inbox.

So he sat by me. During the 1st Quarter of the UT/LSU game. And I removed the bad emails. Then all of the other ones. It wasn't hard. Partly because he was here. Partly because I was paying attention to the game. (Have you seen this game? It's intense.)

And now it's empty. 16 emails. None from that bad time. And I'm free. I let go. :-)

Musings on God's Family

I think one of the biggest reasons that God intended for His church to be like a family was so that we would support and care for each other during our struggles. To "bear one another's burdens." To provide what the person cannot manage to acquire themselves.

This is one of my favorite things about God. He made us to care for each other. In addition to Him caring for us.

On Friendships

I've had a lot of relationships in my life. And unfortunately, up until a couple years ago, most of them were bad. I had a knack in college for picking terrible friends. (Now, keep in mind that MOST of them were bad, but there were the few AMAZING relationships in there. Diamonds in the rough, if you will.)

Though I'm tempted to point out the bad relationships in the past, I won't. It's just not a good idea to single people out like that. And I've moved on and changed and realized what good friends are...so let's just leave the dead laying. Suffice it to say that the ones who were terrible friends are the ones I no longer talk to.

What I do want to talk about though it the difference in the good friends that I've made. With the acquisition of new friends, I've discovered what friendship is supposed to be like. Let me tell you, it's an amazing thing.

They seek me out. I'm simply shocked at the number of times people will ask me to hang out. We can talk about God together. We share together. We laugh and cry together. We don't have to agree on things, but we respect each others' opinion. I can't tell you how blessed I am to have this support system. This Christian support system, who loves and treats me like a sister in Christ.

I haven't always been the greatest friend. For that, I apologize. But I'm learning more and more what it's like to be one and how to love the people that choose to love me.

I love what Shakespeare said: "A friend is one who knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow."

Priorities

I love the show Dancing with the Stars. I used to be a dancer and I love the art of dance. Tonight is the third week elimination, but I will not be watching.

Because as much as I love the show and the competition, I've got better things to do. I'll be hanging out with friends. Cheering on the Chorale softball teams.

Because people are ALWAYS more important than things.

I've been hearing a saying lately: "People were created to be loved. Things were created to be used. The reason why the world is in chaos, is because things are being loved, and people are being used."

This is so true. I love football. I love it when the Titans and the Vols win. But I will never put that between me and another Christian. It's just not worth it. My top priority is not things. It is people.

Sometimes people get on my nerves. Those of you who've known me for a while, know that I lacked tact and would tell people exactly how I felt when they got on my nerves. But now, I feel as if preserving their feelings is best. Unless it was really hurtful and spiteful, or said in bad spirits...it's not necessary to make them feel bad. They mean well. So I just let it go.

I want people to see me as a loving, kind, Christian woman. I want to put others first...and Jesus before anyone. Apparently now, I've got my priorities straight.

One Year Ago

Last year on Friday night of the BBQ Festival, I was just settling in to Henderson. I went to the youth talent show with some of my friends (the Gotts and the Hicks). I didn’t know anyone who was performing but they pointed out the ones who were members of the church. I was just getting to know the Gotts.

I was happy. And I specifically remember thinking, “I wonder what a year from now will be like. Will I be closer to these people? Will I be settled and happy here?”

Let’s fast forward to tonight. I went to the BBQ Festival by myself to cheer on some girls in the youth group who performed in the talent show. The Gotts were busy and the Hicks were out of town but I had no problem finding other friends to hang out with there (the Thompson's, Deffenbaugh's, and Cross') who I've gotten to knwo over the past year. We laughed, talked, ate, and watched the talent show. I cheered on 3 girls who I've taught in Bible class and gotten to know over the past year.

I helped Robert and Elizabeth finish moving into their new place (where my friend Bethany used to live and I crashed at frequently). Last year, they had just begun dating and now they are married. Sasha and Ashley are about to have babies. I stopped by the youth group lock-in to hang out with the kids who I’ve missed so much lately. They’re such a blessing in my life, and I don’t even think they realize it.

This year, things have happened that I would have never expected (both bad and good), but I’m still settled and happy here. Last year, I never in my wildest dreams thought that I’d be dating Jonathan now. Last year he was just a friend. I never thought I would be considering moving to Ohio. Henderson was my anchor. I chose it as my home.

Overall, I’m proud of this year (some parts more than others.) I’ve grown and matured. I’m more focused and happier. I’ve got the best support system ever: amazing friends, a wonderful boyfriend, and my amazing God. I can only hope that this coming year is going to be just as awesome.

I never know what God has in store for me. I don’t know where I’ll be in a year…whether in Henderson or Ohio or Brazil. Single or dating or engaged. Alive. It’s a morbid thought, but I feel like it needs to be said. I just don’t know what’s going to happen.

Adventures in Cooking

I used to be the worst cook ever.

I was the person who burned toast, put too much milk in the cereal, and messed up Easy Mac. That's right, I messed up EASY Mac. I was the typical college student...microwaving noodles when Gano was just too bad.

Then I became an adult. I started living on my own. And selling Pampered Chef. My job required me to learn how to cook. And my friend, Kristen asked me to help cook for the Victorian Tea Party. I mean, she KNEW me and asked me to help. I think she was (is) crazy. Then there were all these events and church potlucks that I was expected to cook for. It was inevitable. I had to become decent at this.

In the beginning I used a recipe for EVERYTHING. Hamburgers needed a recipe to follow. Mashed potatoes needed a recipe. I had no "cooking common sense." But it grows on you. And starting small and easy is where it's at. Most people fail at cooking because they get something really complicated and hard to understand.

There were a few blunders. Like, the baking soda/baking powder scone fiasco. The recipe called for one, I put the other, and we had sour scones. Or the shortbread cookie roast. I have had the misfortune for having 2 ovens WITHOUT timers. Thankfully, shortbread isn't flammable and just turns to coal after being in the oven for 3 hours.

Fortunately there were more successes than failures. For that, I need to thank Kristen and Leah for passing on good (and easy) recipes, inviting me to dinner, and just giving me advice. They are the cooking queens and I've learned a lot from them. I should also thank allrecipes.com. They've got a TON of recipes and they're all rated and have reviews from other people. They also have cooking tips. I can also thank Pampered Chef. They have some good recipes. Some are odd (Banana Caramel Ravioli?), but delicious all the same.

I've grown to the point now where I can venture out on my own. I don't need a recipe for most things I make around the house. I started making my own types of chili, and baked chicken, and hamburger steaks. I am, however, still perplexed by fish.

And it's come to the point where people ask me about cooking. It blows my mind. What blows my mind even more is that I know what to say to them. I can plan a meal and make it in 45 minutes (I've done it at least 5 times....:-/)...and while I don't recommend that, it is attainable.

Not that I'll ever be a cooking guru. I don't really enjoy trying new recipes. I won't be posting recipes on my blog (unless you really want a recipe for hamburger steak). I have friends who love cooking and are super at it. I'm just fine with being decent.

Because of this new found skill, I feel like I've become more of a Proverbs 31 woman. I could provide healthy sustenance for my family (if I had one). I can make food for the hungry or needy. I just found another way to serve God and those around me.

I'm not strong.

The Lord is my rock, my protection, my Savior. My God is my rock. I can run to him for safety. He is my shield and my saving strength, my defender. Psalm 18:2

The teachings of the Lord are perfect; they give new strength. The rules of the Lord can be trusted; they make plain people wise Psalm 19:7

The Lord saves good people; he is their strength in times of trouble. Psalm 37:39

I've been incredibly negative lately. I'm sure those who are around me have noticed.

I'm just sick on this job search. I'm sick of filling out applications. Getting call-backs, setting up interviews, not getting jobs, turning down jobs.

I'm just ready for it to end. All of it.

I thought I was doing well, spiritually and emotionally. But the truth is, you can't measure how strong you are in the good times. Body-builders don't measure their strength when sitting on a couch. They measure it based on how much stress and pressure their muscles can talk. I can't measure my spiritual strength when everything is good. I takes a good dose of stress and pressure to see how strong I am.

The truth is, when the hard times come, you truly figure out how weak you are.. How much you can't handle.

And hopefully, you remember how strong God is. How He can take care of everything. He will handle your problems.

I'm not that strong. I'm not as strong as I think I am sometimes. But God always is. He will not let me down.

So while I'm tired of trying to find a job. Weak-spirited. Sad. God is strong for me. He's got it covered. He's my strength in times of trouble.

Worship...Daily Scripture Challenge #7

Worship has been coming up in my life a lot lately. Last Sunday's class was about "When is worship? Is all of life worship?" Then I had a conversation with a friend the other day about what was worship.

After doing some studying, I find that the New Testament definition is somewhat vague in comparison to the Old Testament. I mean, the OT has so many rules and regulations for worshiping God and the sacrifices and when and where and how and how often and who.

Then the NT gives the five acts of worship. To do them in spirit in truth. Not in vain. On the first day of the week. When Jesus was a baby, the wise men worshiped Him. As he traveled in His ministry, people worshiped Him by offering words of praise and faith.

But I'm left wanting more! Is singing a hymn on my while driving somewhere in my car worship? Is listening to a sermon in my spare time worship? Are all of my daily prayers worship? Is worship only with the church?

Everyone's opinions on this seem to be different.

One thing I do know: I have to be pure in my worship. I have to do it in spirit and truth. I have to devote my whole being to God when I worship Him. It's important.

"I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship." Romans 12:1

Sweet Salvation...Daily Scripture Challenge #6

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. In God's great mercy he has caused us to be born again into a living hope, because Jesus Christ rose from the dead. Now we hope for the blessings God has for his children. These blessings, which cannot be destroyed or be spoiled or lose their beauty, are kept in heaven for you. God's power protects you through your faith until salvation is shown to you at the end of time. This makes you very happy, even though now for a short time different kinds of troubles may make you sad. These troubles come to prove that your faith is pure. This purity of faith is worth more than gold, which can be proved to be pure by fire but will ruin. But the purity of your faith will bring you praise and glory and honor when Jesus Christ is shown to you. You have not seen Christ, but still you love him. You cannot see him now, but you believe in him. So you are filled with a joy that cannot be explained, a joy full of glory. And you are receiving the goal of your faith—the salvation of your souls."

1 Peter 1:3-9

There's nothing I can add to that. It's perfect.

The Difference

Four-and-a-half months into this relationship and it feels.....different.

Typically in relationships, things start off in high gear. You know, the "honeymoon" phase. And after a while things start to fade. You learn the other's faults and bad habits and shortcomings. And things just aren't as bright as they once were.

By now, as in most relationships, we've gotten into a good routine. We've learned each others likes and dislikes. We know each others schedule. This can also mean that the newness has worn off. It's just normal. It's not exciting anymore.

But there are some very distinct differences in this one.

1. He still adores me. It's like it hasn't worn down. Maybe it's even gotten stronger. He wrote me a poem last night. He tells me even more than before how much he thinks of me and loves me.

2. I still adore him. I feel like I love him more everyday. I didn't even think it was possible. 4.5 months in and I love him more than I've ever loved anyone. (I realize I'm being "mushy" which is entirely against my nature, but this is a big deal.)

3. We're still putting God first. You know how after a while, things start to be put on the back burner. Unfortunately in my past relationships, one of the first things to go was God. In this one, we're still getting stronger in Him. Sure, sometimes it's difficult to find time to pray in the morning or at night because of our schedules, but we stay up later or wake up earlier to make it happen. It's hard to stay on the straight and narrow, even with a Christian mate, but it's a lot easier when you have someone pulling you in the right direction. It's easier when you have someone to confide your temptations in. It's better when someone is there to help you and protect you from the world.

Almost 5 months ago, I went out with Jonathan but didn't expect it to work. I was broken. I was set on being single and I did not need another man in my life. But he was sweet, and cute, and deserved a chance. He was smart and funny and kind, but I figured after a while it would wear off and he would become like every other man that has been in my life.

I was cold at times. Unloving. Unlovable. I didn't have any hope. My heart was shut off and though he was a great guy, I wasn't going to fall for him.

For some reason, he stayed around. He thought I was worth something. He was patient and careful. He didn't push me to love him or rush me into feeling things that I never wanted to feel again. He helped me put my life back into place. And after a while I found myself really loving him. Not just because he was my boyfriend, but because he brought light back into my life.

For those of you who don't know, the first 4 months of 2011 are just a picture of darkness for me. The life that I led was bleak and hopeless. I was a mess. A complete and total broken mess.

And at my worst, Jonathan saw something that he liked about me. (I still don't know what that is, but bless him for finding something.) And if you know Jonathan, you know he's stubborn and determined enough to not give up on me. He knew I was worth it. He gave me hope and love when I couldn't bear to love back. He found me at my worst and stuck by me until I was better.

This one is different. This man is different from all the others.

Why Courting is Not for Me...

In the September issue of Think magazine there is an interview featuring a couple who courted instead of dated before marriage. While it was a well put together article and an interesting read, I disagree with most of its views.

First, let me explain what courting is.

Courting typically begins after the age of 18. Generally, parents choose or suggest a mate for their son or daughter. The young man asks the lady's father for permission to court his daughter. This usually entails supervised outings or time with her family. There is little to no physical touching before marriage, nor is there substantial "private" time between the couple. The only motive for courting is marriage.

Courting is sometimes called the "Biblical way of finding a mate." While there is truth to this, it was also the cultural way to find a mate for that time period. As with other things, such as head coverings, Christians today have evolved in culture perspective since that time.

Now, for the 2 types of dating:

As a general American tradition, the goal is NOT marriage. Now, take into consideration that this is the world's view of dating. The world views dating as a way to have fun and get to know people. It may lead to a relationship, a purely sexual relationship, cohabitation, engagement, or marriage. This is wrong and sinful.

Christian dating is much different. The motive of Christian dating IS marriage. Christians choose who they would like to get to know in the context of dating, based upon mutual interests and characteristics that they are attracted to. They spend time together getting to know each other without substantial involvement from their parents. (Though the approval of their parents is important.) The goal is to find someone who will help you get to heaven.

I believe that those who choose to court their children do so because they are afraid of worldly dating. I also believe that Christian parents should raise their children in a manner that prepares them for Christian dating and the ability to choose a good mate for themselves.

I am not writing this to tell you that courting is wrong. I'm sure it works for some people. But here's why it wouldn't work for me.

1. I don't have a Christian father to find a suitable mate for me. There's no one to ask permission from.

2. I may have stricter regulations for the man I want to marry than I think my mother does. We have different personalities and what I value in a man, is not necessarily what I value.

3. I really need to know the guy before I agree to marry him. I need to spend a lot of time talking to JUST HIM. Being constantly supervised does not leave a lot of time to get to know the other person as well. He will always be putting on a front for the family. People are completely different when they are alone. Once you get to know each other well, you may not like their personality at all. For couple who court, this won't take place until after marriage, in which there is no way out.

DSC...without a Scripture...

Day 5: A Scripture that changes your view on life.

I haven't always been so keen on Bible study.

There were those years in high school when I went to church and youth group things because I knew it was the right things to do. (Oh, and also because I could hang out with my boyfriend there....)

I'm not sure when it hit me...but at some point I realized, "If I want to get to heaven, I've really got to study this thing." (AKA, the Bible.)

It might've been one of Martin's sermons. It might've been a Bible class at FHU. It could've been my wonderful Christian friends who knew way more about the Bible than me.

I dunno.

But I now know that in order to change my life for the good...in order to be right in the sight of God...I've got to study the Bible.

It really is the Life Book.

It is the standard by which I should live by. I find it amazing that as old as the Bible is, it still applies to today. I mean, how many books can do that? Only one, I think.

So I'm sure that I could pick a verse or so that changes my view on life. But to be completely honest, the whole Bible has changed my view on life. It's given me support in hard times, rules to live by, encouragement, hope for the future.

It's changed my life.

24

I'm back to blogging!

I've been absent for a while due to 2 things.
1. I was busy. I very special wedding occurred last weekend. I was too busy having fun with friends, wearing a gold dress, eating cake, and catching up with friends to blog.
2. My computer charger magically disappeared. I thought it was in Jonathan's car. So I asked him to please look for me. He said, "It's not in my car." I said ok. And then I found it, in his car. *sigh*

So ANYWAY. I'll be back to the 30 day Scripture Challenge soon...and by soon I mean, as soon as I finish this post.

But first I want to tell you about my birthday.

It was my first birthday in Ohio. I spent it doing laundry, having lunch with Janie, Heather, and the cutest 5 year old ever, Jack. We had Panera Bread, then went to Esther Price, a DELICIOUS chocolate store.

For supper, the Glasses took me to The Cheesecake Factory. I had the Brownie Hot Fudge Sundae Cheesecake (or something like that). It was great. I basically gained 800 pounds yesterday.

Jonathan and I meandered around the mall. I went to Anthropologie for the first time EVER. Let me tell you. It's my new favorite store. Ever. I wanted to buy everything.

I also went to Teavana. Jonathan bought me some Strawberry Lemonade Herbal Tea. It's really good.

Another good thing about my birthday is the birthday coupons. :-) I got a free redbox rental and $10 off the next purchase at a clothing store.

OH! I almost forgot about my gifts. The Glasses got me a pair of TOMS. I've been wanting some for over a year and I FINALLY got them. I love them. And Jonathan got me a Super Nintendo. I've been playing it A LOT. I'm sure the newness will wear off, but I really love video games. Especially vintage ones.

So all in all, this birthday was great. One of the best ever.

Favorite Psalm: Scripture Challenge 4

I don't have a favorite Psalm. I have lots of favorite Psalms. So here is one that stood out to me tonight.

Psalm 34
I will praise the Lord at all times;his praise is always on my lips. My whole being praises the Lord.

The poor will hear and be glad. Glorify the Lord with me,

and let us praise his name together. I asked the Lord for help, and he answered me.

He saved me from all that I feared. Those who go to him for help are happy,

and they are never disgraced. This poor man called, and the Lord heard him

and saved him from all his troubles. The angel of the Lord camps around those who fear God,

and he saves them. Examine and see how good the Lord is.

Happy is the person who trusts him. You who belong to the Lord, fear him!

Those who fear him will have everything they need. Even lions may get weak and hungry,but those who look to the Lord will have every good thing. Children, come and listen to me.I will teach you to worship the Lord. You must do these thingsto enjoy life and have many happy days. You must not say evil things,and you must not tell lies. Stop doing evil and do good.Look for peace and work for it. The Lord sees the good peopleand listens to their prayers. But the Lord is against those who do evil;he makes the world forget them. The Lord hears good people when they cry out to him,and he saves them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted,and he saves those whose spirits have been crushed. People who do what is right may have many problems,but the Lord will solve them all. He will protect their very bones;

not one of them will be broken. Evil will kill the wicked;

those who hate good people will be judged guilty. But the Lord saves his servants’ lives;

no one who trusts him will be judged guilty. (Psalm 34:1-22 NCV)

Happiness: Scripture Challenge Day 3

Day 3: A scripture that I love.

Well this is difficult.

After flipping through my Bible a bit, I've decided on 2 verses to love today. I say that because I love A LOT of verses in the Bible. So I narrowed it down to single verses. Then I narrowed it down to one of my favorite books. And then, I got it down to 3 that I love. Here they are:

"The Teacher says, 'Useless! Useless! Completely useless! Everything is useless! What do people really gain from all their hard work on Earth?"

Ecclesiastes 1:2-3

"Now, everything has been heard, so I give my final advice: Fear God and obey his commands, because this is all that people must do."

Ecclesiastes 12:13

The first and last statements of the book tell a whole story. Things like partying and working and getting what you want is not really worth a hill of beans. David had it all. He was the King. Everything he commanded was at his fingertips. But he wasn't even happy.

This whole book is David's plea to people to realize, you don't need anything but God to make you happy.

That removes a lot of anxiety in my mind. God will provide for me. I don't need to worry. As long as I fear Him. As long as I do what He said. He's got my back. He'll take care of me.

The simplest of concepts: happiness.

Think about all the things you do on a daily basis to maintain your happiness. Drinking Starbucks, watching your favorite TV show, cooking, scrapbooking, playing sports.

Now take all of that away. Every single earthly antidote to happiness.

Would you still be happy?

If you woke up in a cardboard box in the middle of the Yukon wearing nothing but a bathrobe, would you still be happy?

That may be extreme. Ok, it IS extreme. But it's true. Do you fear God and keep His commandments no matter what? And then are you always HAPPY about it?

I'm not. Sometimes I need a cupcake to cheer me up. Or a shopping trip. Or a good book to stick my nose in.

Why do I seek other things to make me happy when the Lord is all I need?

Hope in Darkness...Scripture Challenge Day 2

Day 2: A scripture that brings you hope.

I do not mean that I am already as God wants me to be. I have not yet reached that goal, but I continue trying to reach it and to make it mine. Christ wants me to do that, which is the reason he made me his. Brothers and sisters, I know that I have not yet reached that goal, but there is one thing I always do. Forgetting the past and straining toward what is ahead, I keep trying to reach the goal and get the prize for which God called me through Christ to the life above.
Philippians 3:12-14 NCV

I've got a dark past.

Some of you know. Some of you don't.

What matters is that I'm better now. I'm a better person. I am now actively striving to be the best person that I can be. I try to be a good, kind Christian woman. I work to be cheerful and happy and loving. I want to be strong and happy and pure. Hopefully, this is what you see.

What you don't know is that everyday I'm haunted by the past. Will people find out about it? Will they judge me for it? Will I become enslaved by the darkness of sin and depression again? I'm so afraid of the wrong person knowing these things. Using them against me. Ruining the good reputation that I've tried to build...despite the past mistakes.

I've gotta get through that. I cannot let my past (my own mistakes and sins) hinder me from the prize. The goal. I've asked for forgiveness. I've repented...turned my life around. Stopped living in sin.

As Paul says, I'm not there yet. I have not reached the goal. I am not perfect. I have not acquired my heavenly crown. But I've come a long way.

I can do it. Just forget the past. Look forward. Eyes on the Prize.

I'm Part of the Body? (Scripture Challenge Day 1)

Day 1: A scripture that makes you think of yourself

A person's body is one thing, but it has many parts. Though there are many parts to a body, all those parts make only one body. Christ is like that also. Some of us are Jews, and some are Greeks. Some of us are slaves, and some are free. But we were all baptized into one body through one Spirit. And we were all made to share in the one Spirit.

The human body has many parts. The foot might say, "Because I am not a hand, I am not part of the body." But saying this would not stop the foot from being a part of the body. The ear might say, "Because I am not an eye, I am not part of the body." But saying this would not stop the ear from being a part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, it would not be able to hear. If the whole body were an ear, it would not be able to smell. If each part of the body were the same part, there would be no body. But truly God put all the parts, each one of them, in the body as he wanted them. So then there are many parts, but only one body.

The eye cannot say to the hand, "I don't need you!" And the head cannot say to the foot, "I don't need you!" No! Those parts of the body that seem to be the weaker are really necessary. And the parts of the body we think are less deserving are the parts to which we give the most honor. We give special respect to the parts we want to hide. The more respectable parts of our body need no special care. But God put the body together and gave more honor to the parts that need it so our body would not be divided. God wanted the different parts to care the same for each other. If one part of the body suffers, all the other parts suffer with it. Or if one part of our body is honored, all the other parts share its honor.

Together you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of that body.
(1 Corinthians 12:12-27)

I used to think that because I was not raised in a strong Christian home that I would never be a "good enough" Christian. That because my father was not an elder, deacon, minister...or even a faithful Christian, I could never accomplish great things for the Lord. I thought I would be the "red-headed step-child" of the church. I would always be lagging behind or handicapped in my Christianity.

I used to think that I would never be able to find a strong Christian mate because I did not have the ideal upbringing. So many people concentrate on finding a mate (or mates for their children) who came from a strong Christian family that I figured I would just remain single.

I thought that because I was not raised with daily Bible study or prayer in the home that I would never be a great Bible teacher, I could never convert others to Christ. I wouldn't be useful on mission trips.

I was wrong.

I placed that handicap on myself which held me back from doing so many amazing things in the past.

Then I realized that many of the Christians that I looked up to were not raised in the church. At all. At least I had a faithful mother who took me to worship every week. I had youth group activities. I became a Christian at 12. Some of the strongest Christians I know didn't even hear the word until they were over 18.

The point of the matter? The church cannot be made up completely of those who were raised in Christian homes. That would mean no one is being converted from the world. We need a variety of parts to make up an entire body. Those who can speak, those who can cook. Those who can nurture, those who can build. Young, old, wise, weak, loud, quiet.

The church needs everyone who will be faithful and adhere to the Word.

30 Day Scripture Challenge

I saw some friends doing this on Tumblr the other day and I thought it would be interesting. I might do more than one day at a time...I may go days without posting, but rest assured, I will finish. I hope others will do this too, whether on Facebook or just in your daily Bible study.

Day 1: A scripture that makes you think of yourself

Day 2: A scripture that brings you hope

Day 3: A scripture that you love

Day 4: Your favorite Psalm

Day 5: A scripture that changed your view on life

Day 6: Your favorite scripture on salvation

Day 7: A scripture about praise/worship

Day 8: A scripture about strength

Day 9: A scriptural promise

Day 10: A scripture that makes you smile

Day 11: A scripture about family/friends

Day 12: A scripture about peace

Day 13: Something Jesus said

Day 14: A scripture on fear

Day 15: A scripture about love

Day 16: A miracle performed in the Bible

Day 17: A miracle performed by Jesus

Day 18: A prophecy

Day 19: Your favorite Proverb

Day 20: A scripture from the New Testament

Day 21: A scripture from the Old Testament

Day 22: A scripture on prayer

Day 23: A scripture on forgiveness

Day 24: A scripture on life

Day 25: A scripture about unity

Day 26: A scripture about unbelievers

Day 27: A scripture about children/youth

Day 28: A scripture with a reference to the number seven

Day 29: A scripture about your favorite Bible character

Day 30: A scripture of your choice.

I'm challenging myself to be more devoted to Bible study everyday. I hope that you will too.

Domestic?????

Jonathan will be here in less than 3 hours. I find myself running around the house cleaning up a storm and planning supper for tonight. I want things to be perfect.

I just texted him to ask his opinion on something before I did it. It didn't have anything to do with him, but I wanted his opinion because I respect it.

On the one hand, I'm starting to be more submissive and less independent. Relying on him more. This is normal. This is good.

On the other hand, I'm freaking out. Why did I need to ask his opinion? I am capable of making my own decisions. Why do I feel the need to cook and clean for him? He can take care of himself and I'm SURE he won't even care if my house is clean.

Where's the balance here? He certainly does not expect or ask me to do these things for him. I just want to.

But why? What happened to those years of "I don't need a man. I don't want to rely on someone else. I want to be completely self sufficient." After years of that, WHY do I suddenly WANT to rely on him?

Not that he isn't worthy of that. He's a perfect balance between letting me have independence, make my own decisions (even bad ones)...and then gives me advice when I need it...and then says no to things that are not good and that he will not do nor wants me to do.

Maybe that's why it's so hard. He's not forcing submission on me. Nor is he indifferent about everything. He's moderate.

He makes me happy. He improved my quality of life.

Hello, identity crisis.

Neither Here Nor There

I've always struggled with finding my own place on this earth.

A couple of months ago I thought I had hit it. I was living a good life down in Henderson, TN.

And now...now Ohio feels like home too.

So when I'm there, I want to be here. When I'm here, I want to be there.

Where do I belong?

Do I not belong in either? Do I belong in both?

*Exasperated sigh*

This whole situation just makes me want to be a missionary in China.

Honestly, my REAL home is heaven. THAT is where I belong. So really, all I have to do here is work to get there.

Part 2 of the taboo.

PLUS-SIZE STORE.

DUN DUN DUN.

I never considered these. I never considered that I was plus size. And I might've held the stereotype that there was nothing stylish in these stores (For that, I apologize). But seeing as I was desperate and I just want a pair of pants that doesn't feel like a torture device, I walked in.

I found an ENTIRE rack of jeans in my size. They were a bit expensive...I mean, $60 a pair. I don't buy anything for $60 per pair. That's absurd. But then I found an ENTIRE CLEARANCE rack of my size! I picked a few (I mean really, I've never seen so many size 14 pairs of jeans in one place, in my life) and tried them on.

(Sidenote, they also have graphic tee's. I LOVE graphic tee's. And they aren't tight. They're modest. Amen.)

Lo and behold, the perfect pair was found. You know what I mean. The pair of pants that you put on and you just know. It fits in the right places, you can breathe properly, your pelvis isn't curving inward. You feel like the heavens are shining down on you. You're debit card starts glowing. (Ok, I'm joking about that one. My debit card starts screaming in agony when I buy something.)

Anyway. I looked at the tag. $20. If you don't know, that's cheap for a pair of jeans. I smiled at my luck and took my purchase to the counter. The (very friendly, mind you) sales clerk engaged me in a conversation about my purchase and my life in general, actually. Then she said, "Oh, good news. These are ten dollars."

I almost starting dancing the disco in the middle of the store.

Oh and...they have one of those rewards cards. I love those.

So tell me, why I have I been agonizing over jeans for so long?

Here's the big question: Am I going to try to lose weight?

I don't know. I think dieting and making a big deal out of weight loss is stressful. I mostly just try to make good decisions all the time. Everything in moderation, you know. So I might try to make more of an effort to exercise more. Or eat less sweets. But really, as long as I'm healthy and happy...I see no reason to stress about weight. It's no big deal. :)

I'm going to talk about my weight.

I know. This is taboo. Who writes a blog about their weight? (Ok, besides the billions of weight-loss blogs...but this is NOT one of those.)

Let me tell you a story.

I was a chunky kid. Occasionally I was teased for it. Once or twice it really hurt my feelings, but it didn't really have a detrimental effect on my body image. Once I got in junior high/high school puberty hit, my insulin resistance was under control, and I was getting plenty of exercise with dance class, a job, and high school extracurricular activities. I became fit for my height. Not stick thin, mind you. I was muscular and in shape. I was a size 8/10. See...(BTW If you make fun of this picture, I will no longer be your friend.)

Then comes college. We all know what happens in college. Especially if you're forced to eat in Gano. Hello calories. Though I didn't just blow up...I did gain about 10 pounds every year of college.

And now we're here. I'm overweight, I know. It doesn't really bother me. I still fit just fine in roller coaster and airplane seats. I love eating vegetables. I only drink diet and unsweetened beverages. I like chocolate and sweets, but I don't gorge myself on them, and I HATE the feeling of overeating, so I don't. (How's that for a run-on sentence?) I just don't exercise. I don't particularly like exercise. Dance was great for me...but then there's the stigma of being a Christian and taking dance classes. Then there's the money factor. I like treadmills and ellipticals and so forth but I lack the motivation and accessibility.

I digress.

The only thing that upsets me about my weight is shopping. It is SO DIFFICULT to find comfortable, modest, affordable clothing for women my size. Not that I would shop in Aeropostale or Abercrombie or any of those other horrendous stores, but if I wanted to, I couldn't. They don't carry my size. In stores like Charlotte Russe, I'm the biggest size they carry. And even then it's a bit tight.

So today I was desperate. I only have 1 pair of jeans that fit. I was on an emotional high from good job interviews so I decided to go shopping. For one pair of jeans. After browsing a few of my normal stores and leaving depressed because I was the biggest size and nothing fit right (and I might've felt like the size 0 sales associates were judging me), I decided it was time for a change.

So for the first time, I decided to go to...

(tune in tomorrow for part 2. :-)

Two (Very Important) Things

Yesterday I was frustrated.

Even though plenty of things are going right and I'm overly blessed and surrounded by a great support system (that covers multiple states).....sometimes I just get cranky.

Upon surveying my frustration, I realized I had neglected 2 very important things in my life that caused this foul mood.

1. Lack of solitude.

I love Jonathan (if you don't know that by now, you're illiterate.) And I just revel in seeing him everyday. But I am very fond of my alone time (which is actually something he and I have in common.) And by very fond I mean, I need at least half an hour of alone, meditation, silence a day. At least. Sometimes I feel like I'm addicted to silence.

Of late, that hasn't been happening. So, as soon as I got off work yesterday I high-tailed it to Newport. I walked the Riverwalk. I sat in a bookstore for 2 hours. I ate something chocolate that was probably at least 5,000,000,000 calories. And the best part? I DIDN'T TALK TO ANYONE. There were plenty of people around. I might've said thank you to the guy at Starbucks. Otherwise? I had no one to answer to. I didn't have to carry on a conversation. Or decide where to go. I could wander around aimlessly at my leisure.

Solitude. Sweet solitude. I'm gonna have to keep up with that. (And as I type this now, I'm alone in the house. In silence. Basking in the glory of solitude.)

2. Lack of creativity.

I might have oodles of boxes of crafty stuff in Tennessee. But I haven't brought anything to Ohio yet. So last night I was itching to draw, write, paint, hot glue, mod podge, scrapbook....I mean ANYTHING that would release my pent up creative mind. I hadn't done anything crafty in over a week, and that is WAY too long.

Not that I'm good at any of that, mind you. It's just a form of therapy really. A method of sanity that I like to practice. So, while at aforementioned bookstore I picked up a journal. Not just any old journal, but this one. That's right. I bought a book called "This is not a book." Each page has different entries to fill out. Each one says something like, "This is a recorder. Note the events of the day." Or, "This is a beach scene. Add some props." Or, "This is a psychological mood altering machine..." and so on. You get the picture. To me, it's like a world of imagination and creativity in one tiny book. I recommend it.

Upon purchasing said book, I scribbled in a few pages. And it felt good. I never thought that drawing a whale would be so exciting. But it was definitely the release that I needed.

SO. What did I learn yesterday? That I still need to work to maintain good emotional/mental health. No matter where I am, who I'm with, or what I'm doing.

Sometimes a girl just needs a little alone time and a pen.
Amen.

Change

I hate change. With a fiery passion.

My to-do list is almost a mile long. I have people to call...email...see. I need to find a job. I have things to take care of.

And it keeps getting put off.

Why? Because it's too much change. Too many different experiences happening at one time. What if things don't pan out the way that I hope? What if I'm not good enough?

It's days like today that I just want to curl up and read a book. Like the Bible.

I've been looking forward to mid-week Bible study since Sunday. Is this a change of topic? No. God is the one thing that doesn't change. I cling to Him in these times, when everything around me is new and different. I can still go back to Him and know: He has not changed. He is the same.






**Not to say that I'm not grateful or blessed by these experiences and errands. I'm so blessed. But I'm just not good at adjusting. *sigh**

A Few of My Favorite Things

Is the song stuck in your head now? I hope so.

Lately I've come across several interesting things that I just LOVE. SO...I thought I would shamelessly plug them on my blog. You are welcome. Here we go.

1. Be Well Red Tea. The Republic of Tea has these cool tins of herb tea for different things. I bought the Get Happy brand last week. I have to admit, since I thought it was cute, I didn't look closely at the label. When I got home I realized that it was Lemon-flavored herb tea. I hate lemon flavored things. And I'm not a big fan of herb tea. But I have to admit, it tastes AMAZING. I've had 2 cups in the past few days. The "Get Happy" part comes from the fact that it has St. John's Wort in it. I want almost all of these just to try them. Especially the "Get it Going" and "Get a Grip." How funny is that?

2. Journals Unlimited. I'm not even kidding when I say that this company has journals for EVERYTHING. Dancers, Boating, Sledding, Pets, Fly fishing, the 50 states, Dating, Pregnancy, New mommy, Readers, Cooking.....seriously....EVERYTHING. Jonathan bought me their Prayer Journal on our second date. Even thought I haven't used it everyday, it is super organized and helpful. I find that it's most useful when there's a lot on my mind. You can also personalize them and there are different sizes. I also want one of the "Between You and Me" journals. They're so sentimental! Although these are a bit pricey for me, I think it's worth it. Like I said, they are organized very efficiently.

3. Toms. I really just want a pair of plain black canvas Toms. They're comfy, slip-on, and charitable. Well, the shoes themselves aren't...but the company is....haha.... Unfortunately, I've never spent that much on a pair of shoes before. (Wal-Mart shoes have worked for me just fine.) But really, these are worth it. Maybe at some point I can afford them. :-p

4. My Bible. Ok. I can't give you a link to my Bible. It's a Thomas Nelson New Century Version that is no longer in print. It has pages and pages of notes in it. Highlights. Underlines. The back cover is breaking...the pages are folded. I really want to get a new one to start carrying around before this one goes kaput. But like I said, they don't make it anymore. They only print this version in devotional or specialty kinds...and I would have to transfer all my notes to a new shiny Bible. I wouldn't know where everything was. It just would not be the same. *sigh* Maybe someday I'll make the change. But not anytime soon.

5. Jonathan. Yes. This is one of the mushiest, cheesiest things I've ever said. And he is not a "thing." He is my favorite person. I miss him when I come to Tennessee for a few days. I love talking to him. Watching movies with him. Playing games with him. I was lonely tonight so I trekked out in the rain to a coffeeshop to chat with him. Lame, eh? But I've been more than sufficiently blessed by him and I hope I continue to be for a long time.

So now tell me...what are some of YOUR favorite things????

The Angry Birds

Jonathan and I have reached a new stage in our relationship.

Last week, it seemed as if Jonathan had done nothing but play Angry Birds all day. I was becoming frustrated at his increasing game play and decreasing attention to girlfriend. At one point I exclaimed, "If you don't stop playing Angry Birds, I'm going to BECOME an Angry Bird!"

At that point I realized: we are now past the honeymoon stage.

Sometimes he plays Angry Birds too much, gets frustrated when I don't say please, and scowls at my barrage of nags. In return, I have become a bit spoiled and needy, I've started to fight submission with a fiery vengeance, and I do things that he just does not like.

In short: we're showing our faults. Instead of being on our best behavior, we've begun to "take off the make-up" and see the ugly side of each other.

I, for one, LOVE this stage in a relationship. (Crazy, huh?) We might be having a few more spats than usual, but we're also learning to compromise. We're learning to discuss things before blowing up. We're learning what not to do. We're fighting through our differences and learning to love each other DESPITE and BECAUSE of them.

I call this the "strengthening" stage of a relationship. This is where most couples will end. They realize that it's not all about googly eyes and smooches. This is the 'make it or break it' point. We decide if we can continue to make it...even with each other's downfalls.

I know what you might be thinking. "Why are you posting this in public? You just ran your boyfriend's name in the mud. You can't tell other people about your boyfriend's faults!" To that, I have 2 things to reply. 1. I will NEVER post ANYTHING about Jonathan without his approval first. If this appears on my blog, he read it first and agreed. 2. No couple is perfect. I think if parents never disagree in front of their children, they are not teaching them what relationships are really like. Every relationship has issues, and instead of suppressing them, I think we should acknowledge them and learn how to best find a solution.

What have I learned through this so far? I love Jonathan more. I love his stubbornness. I love working out arguments. I love becoming closer to God with him. I love him when he plays Angry Birds too much. He is still the best man I've ever known and I still want to spend as much of my life with him as possible. And I still thank God for him everyday.

Even if sometimes we are a couple of Angry Birds.

A Dedicated Woman

I never cease to be amazed by the women in the Bible.

Recently, I studied the story of Mary Magdalene for a teen girls’ class. And even though I knew the story and had read it multiple times, it didn’t hit me until then. Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John all record how Mary had 7 demons that Jesus removed. Because of this, she became a faithful follower and friend to Him. We know that she was at the cross with Jesus’ mother, and witnessed the crucifixion of her Savior. And, perhaps most famously, she was at the tomb when Jesus was raised from the dead. She had gone there to embalm his body in spices…but he had been raised.

Read these accounts of the scene at the tomb.

“Soon afterward, He went on through the cities and villages, proclaiming and bringing the Good News of the Kingdom of God. And the twelve were with Him, and also some women who had been healed of the evil spirits and infirmities: Mary, called Magdalene, from whom seven demons had gone out, […] who provided for them out of their means.” Luke 8:1-3

“The women who had come with Him from Galilee followed and saw the tomb and how His body was laid. Then they returned and prepared spices and ointments. On the Sabbath they rested, according to the commandment. But on the first day of the week, at early dawn, they went to the tomb, taking the spices they had prepared.” (Luke 23:55-24:1)

“Now on the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene came to the tomb early while it was still dark, and saw that the stone had been taken away from the tomb. So she ran and went to Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one whom Jesus loved, and said to them, ‘They have taken the Lord out of the tomb and we do not know where they have laid him!’ […]

But Mary stood weeping outside the tomb, and as she wept, she stooped to look into the tomb. And she saw two angels in while, sitting where the body of Jesus had lain, one at the head, and one at the feet. They said to her, ‘Woman, why are you weeping?’ She said to them, ‘They have taken away my Lord, and I do not know where they have laid Him!’ Having said this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing, but she did not know it was Jesus. He said to her, ‘Woman, why are you weeping? Whom are you seeking?’ Supposing Him to be the gardener, she said to Him, ‘Sir, if you have carried Him away, tell me where you have laid Him and I will take Him away.’ Jesus said to her, ‘Mary.’ She turned and said to Him in Aramaic, ‘Rabboni!’ which means Teacher. Jesus said, ‘Do not cling to Me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father. But go to my brothers and say to them, ‘I am ascending to my Father and your Father, to my God and to your God.’ Mary Magdalene went and announced to the disciples, ‘I have seen the Lord’ and that he had said these things to her.” John 20:1-2, 11-18

From this, I realized 2 very important things about Mary Magdalene.

1. She cared for Jesus. I often think of Jesus caring for others. What I fail to realize is that He was taken care of as well. Someone probably cooked for Him. At some point, He may have had holes in His robes that needed patching. They provided for Him monetarily as they could. God created women to be nurturers, and this is a great example of that.

Even after He died, Mary Magdalene and the other women were going to correctly embalm Him. They prepared spices and ointments to preserve His earthly body. She left very early in the morning. In her mind, this is what Jesus DESERVED. He was the Son of God and He DESERVED a proper burial. As a friend and follower of Christ, it was her DUTY to give Him a proper resting place.

2. She was dedicated. After Jesus healed her, she followed Him. From what it seems, she left her town, her job, her friends. She left it all…and gave it all to Him. He healed her of the agonizing pain of seven demons. Because of that, she was dedicated to the One who could save her…not only physically, but spiritually. She probably faced the same dangers as all of His other followers: being hurt, scorned, But Mary Magdalene pressed on, no matter what the dangers of her decision were.

This dedication continued even after Jesus had died. Imagine that your best friend passed away. After the funeral, you go to the grave to place flowers and find that someone has dug up and stolen the casket. This is the same thing that Mary is going through. She is probably just beside herself with anguish and distress. She is weeping so hard that she does not recognize Jesus… the very Man who she is seeking. What does Mary say? That she will go and take Him away. I think of Mary being so faithful that she is willing to CARRY His body herself to put it in a proper resting place. Now that is dedication.

She was dedicated enough to do whatever Jesus asked of her. She did not question Jesus when He asked her to go and tell the apostles that he was alive. She did not say, “Ok, but how did you raise from the dead?” or “Why did you come back?” or even “Don’t you know that people might try to hurt you again?” She just did. She knew that He was asking her to do what was right. She trusted Him enough to know that whatever He asked of her was good.

I pray that I can become that protective and dedicated to my Jesus. I want Him to know that I will go to every length to care for His Name and His Word. I want to be so dedicated to Him that I would carry His weight. I want to be like Mary Magdalene. Jesus took away her demons…he took away my sins…and in return, I want to dedicate my entire life to caring for Jesus.