Pregnancy, Crafting, and Books....OH MY!

Today, I have 3 things to tell you.

1. I am not pregnant. But I have some friends who are. Can I tell you a secret? I LOVE having friends who are pregnant. Isn't that weird? Anyway.

From my education and experience with those who are "expecting" I've gained a lot of knowledge on the subject. Sometimes it even feels weird to know so much, since I've never been in that situation. But even though I have the knowledge, I DON'T KNOW FIRSTHAND. I cannot empathize. I don't understand what the butterflies feel like, or morning sickness, or labor (thank goodness.)

So the one thing I NEVER intend to do with my friends who are "with child" is to give advice. I am not capable of giving advice. I don't know what it feels like to be in their situation. I will sympathize the best that I can, help in any way, and impart the knowledge that I have...but I do not know more than they do about it.

I wish everyone felt that way.

2. Lately I've caught the crafting bug. Well. Part of me was kind of bitten by it with the Victorian Tea Party coming up. (Ask me about it.) I'm practically drowning in metal headbands, hot glue, and colorful scrapbook paper. (But drowning in the good way! :-) Anyway, I bought some ModPodge and ribbon the other day. And....well.....I went crazy. I'll show you pics of my crafting frenzy later. But let's just say...it was intense.

3. Working in a library has renewed my love and zeal for books. Seriously, I've read 5 books in the past month. I have 4 more to work on. But it's calmed me again. Given me something to do. Replenished my imagination. Books. Are. Amazing.

And the best part is, my library job is AMAZING. I hesitated to say that, because I just hadn't been there long enough. I hadn't gotten used to it. Into the groove. But now that I have, I just still love it. It's such a blessing.

Loving the Unloveable

This morning I awoke to the sound of a waterfall...in my kitchen.

In a split second I thought of all the horrendous things that might've happened. A pipe burst, leaking roof. I sprang from my bed and ran 2 feet to the kitchen to discover....

My cat knocked over a full can of Mountain Dew.

Whist kicking myself for leaving it on the counter, and kicking the cat for being wretched, I cleaned up the mess on the floor, rug, counter, and even UNDERNEATH the microwave. Oh, and did I mention...this was an HOUR before my alarm went off?!

After this ordeal I laid back down to take a nap before it was time to wake up. Well, my cat decided that he was not done being mischievous. He jumped onto the table, running into and almost knocking off my beautiful decorative teapot.

Oh. But that is not all. He then attempted to jump onto the top bunk of my bed...missed...and fell ON MY HEAD. Did you read that? ON MY HEAD. Thankfully, he did not land on his feet so I did not get a scalp-full of claws.

Once I arrived at work, I had a conversation with a patron that went as follows:

Lady: I need a book called "Night"...or something.
Me: Do you know the author or something about the book?
Lady: No.
(looks up book called "Night" and find almost 20 results. After showing her the results, she decided that the one she needs is the one that is checked-out.)
Me: I'm sorry, it's checked out, but I can put a hold on it and you will get it by the 30th.
Lady: No. I need it now.
Me: I'm sorry. It's checked out and not due til the 28th.
Lady: But I need it tonight.
Me: I'm. SORRY. It. is. CHECKED. OUT. We DO NOT have it. Try Books-a-Million. *Smile*

So. Why do I tell you these humorous and frustrating stories?

For humans, it's difficult to love all of the time. This morning, I was not feeling mushy love for my cat, nor for the frustrating lady.

But think about God. He ALWAYS loves. Even when we do wrong. Imagine what He thinks when His children blatantly sin. He's hurt, mad, and perhaps ashamed. But He loves. And hopes that we will confess, repent, and be on the right path again. He never wishes ill on anyone.

How awesome is that?

Today, try to love like God does. See how much of a difference it makes.

Suicide

Someone that I love just lost one of her best friends to suicide. In part, I feel so helpless (as most people do when dealing with grief.) I don't know how much she is hurting. I don't know the right thing to say...or if I should say anything at all.

On the other hand, I'm ashamed. As some of you know, I was suicidal at a point in my life. I'm ashamed that I put my friends through that scary time. They were worried and praying that I would be ok. That I would survive. I never quite understood why. I think I get it now, though. It hurts when someone you love and care about would take their own life. You think they are worth it. You would work to keep them alive...but they didn't realize that.

And now it's too late.

But not really.

The best way to memorialize someone who has taken their own life, is to prevent someone else from doing so. There are lots of great organizations whose main goal is to raise awareness about suicide. Here's how you can help:

1. Learn the symptoms of depression and what suicidal thoughts sound like. Know how to spot them and what to do when someone you love might be considering that.
2. Listen. This goes hand in hand with the previous statement. Be involved in your friends lives. Know what is going on and when they might be down in life.
3. Contact a professional (counselor, teacher, minister). Even if they don't want you to. Even if you think you can handle it. You can't. The best thing to do is put this in the hands of someone with experience. Remember: You want to keep your friend alive at all cost.
4. Find an organization that supports these things. Spread the word. Go to events, pass out fliers. My favorite is "To Write Love on Her Arms."

5. Love. Tell your friends that you love them. That they are worth it. That they are capable of amazing things in life. To end their life would be a great tragedy. Show that you care. A little kindness always goes a long way.

I'm sure that the sweet girl who ended her life didn't know that it would affect so many people. That she would inspire me, someone who didn't even know her, to write a blog. To raise awareness. To mourn her death.

God-given Friendships

Sometimes, I like to think I'm in control. Then God busts in and shows me just how wrong I am.

One of the biggest examples of this is my friendships. How silly of me to think that I control who I become great friends with.

Sometimes I think, "I like him, him, and her. They will be my friends." Various and sundry things (that are out of my control) happen and BOOM...I have a completely different set of friends. Better friends.

People who I never expected would be there for me. They just appear at the right time. A God-send, I really believe.

This is especially true for my female friends. Especially (but not limited to) Elizabeth, Kristen, Beffy, Leah, and Sasha. I just never imagined how amazing these ladies would be in my life. Sometimes I sit back and think, "Why are you still here? I don't deserve your amazing friendship." Someday soon, I'd like to write a blog about how each individual has helped me. Maybe. I'm not so great with "squishy feelings."

For so long I rejected close friendships with girls. I had grown up with a best girl friend and didn't think anyone could match her caliber. I was wrong. Who knows how many friendships I missed out on before figuring that out?

Well, I cannot change the past...I can only learn from it.

I've learned that God puts the right people in my life at the right time. What a blessing.

To Teach or to Be Taught

Before I even start in on this post, I have to tell you something.

It's raining. I'm sitting in a coffee shop, in front of a fake fireplace. Drinking fruit tea, eating fried pickles. Listening to calm music. And blogging. How typical. How amazing.

Now onto the point.

The Young Professional class at my congregation is studying "The Five Love Languages." Even though its geared towards married folk, there is a book for singles that I have read and I love it.

The class got together after worship last night for food and fellowship at the McKnight's. It was a most enjoyable experience.

I spent a goodly amount of time with the kids, of course. (How typical of me.) I just feel more comfortable around them. I wonder if that will ever change...

Another point I've recently considered: I LOVE teaching Bible classes. And I think I'm good at it. But so often I feel like I NEED to be taught more than I need to teach.

It really makes me feel selfish. I've turned down the opportunity to teach or help because I wanted to be taught. Is that wrong?

I'm so conflicted.

How I Fold Laundry

Grab. Sniff. Fold.
Grab. Sniff. Throw in hamper.
Grab. Sniff. Consider. Sniff again. Fold.

Don't judge me. :-p

The Long Commute

When I tell people that my commute to work every morning is 40 minutes, I get a disgusted expression. "That's terrible!" they say.

It's true. I do have to wake up super early to go on. I also have to fork over more money for gas (which hurts, let me tell you.)

But I thoroughly enjoy those long drives.

In the morning, it gives me time to wake up. See, I'm not a morning person, by far. Being at work 15 minutes after I wake up is not good. When I worked in Memphis, my "commute" was walking down the stairs and into the kitchen. Where I usually wanted to fall asleep again.

Now, I can pray, listen to music, think...give my day a mood of it's own. A GOOD mood. Prepare myself for the day.

After work I unwind. Take note of things that need to be done. Reflect on the night's activities. Listen to more music. Think. Pray. You know the drill.

I'm not sure what I would do without that time. Even though I live by myself, I feel like it's my only time to veg out. Think about "menial" things instead of practical things.

In all of this thinking, I realize that life is like one big commute to heaven. You have to get through life's potholes, wrecks, empty gas tanks, stop lights, and bad drivers to get there. (How's that for a cheesy metaphor?) If you let it bring you down or stop you, you won't make it to your destination.

So I guess the moral of this post is this: keep on truckin'. ;-)

"Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead. I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Jesus Christ." (Phil. 3:13-14)

Self-Discovery

Somewhere along life's way, I lost myself.

And while I could write a series of books on that, but I won't. It's depressing. And this blog is about happy. (I know that sentence was grammatically incorrect. I don't care.)

Instead I will tell you that I am newly discovering myself. It's shocking, really. It's like I'm living for the first time. SO I would like to tell you what I uncovered.

If you thought you knew me, this might blow your mind.

1. I have a major obsession with interior design. Colors, furniture, wall accents, fake flowers. I think I would've been satisfied majoring in that in college. I cannot WAIT to have my own space to decorate. (I blame my friend, Kristen for this.:-)

2. I like Christian music. I mean, I listened to Casting Crowns a bit before. But I realized that if I listen to encouraging, positive music all the time, I'm happier. God is on my mind more. It gives me a better quality of life. Ta-da!

3. I want to be a social butterfly. I hate going home and spending the night alone. Thankfully, with all of my lovely friends, activities, and jobs....I hardly ever have to do that. And when I do, I'm usually too exhausted to care.

4. I like having female friends. For some reason, I used to be standoffish to women. I think it might be because I'm sort of a tomboy. I didn't understand how to embrace my feminism. But I have since, and now I'm blessed with many wonderful ladies in my life.

5. I'm not in control. At all. God is. Even though I must repeat that to myself daily, it remains true. Life is better when I just admit it and give it all to Him. Instead of pretending that I think I know what I'm doing. I don't.

6. I need to improve and maintain my spiritual life, through the good and the bad. Because when I do not, things go sour quickly. The key to this is forming good habits. I'm working on that.

7. I don't think I want children. This might come as a shock to almost everyone. I love kids, right? I do. But while I'm a nanny, at least, I don't want to spend 24/7 with children. I don't think I have the patience or emotional whatever. Keep in mind, this could change. Who knows what the future holds. For now though, I am in no hurry.

8. I am passionate, intense, and stubborn. See. I used to think that I was calm and apathetic. Able to go with the flow. Actually, it's quite the opposite. Now, I'm not to the point of being annoying. I'm passionate about things that matter. Not everything. That would be overbearing. But you get the point. I have no problems telling you how I feel about something. I have strong feelings. A bleeding heart. I feel. I care.

9. I'm independent. I knew this before, but now I'm understanding what all that entails. I like to blaze my own path. Try new things. Be creative. I like to give advice, teach, lead. I don't like not being able to do my own things (fixing a light, changing oil in my car, etc). Someone told me recently that I was a leader. I disagreed at the time, but I'm starting to realize what he meant.

10. I can. Sometimes people rely on me. Before, I took that for granted. I figured they asked me to do something out of pity and someone else could do it better. After letting almost everyone down, I realized that's not true. I can teach. I can do crafts. I can do what is asked of me. I can help. And if I don't...my existence is not worth much. I can be useful.

Rubber Bumpers, Storm Shelters...and other protective measures...

It's raining. And thundering. And lightning. I'm at work, caring for little Ella, who is currently napping. And as much as I want to be OK with this storm... I am not. Yes. I'm 23 (and a half), and I'm still scared of storms. When it storms, I want to be around people...who will know what to do if the end comes. (...heh...I'm not being dramatic...) Or preferably, a storm shelter or sturdy building with a basement.

My car has rubber bumpers. (How's that for a topic change? It's related though, I promise.) In the 6 years that I've owned this car, I've had (quite) a few fender benders. Mostly when backing out or in or fitting through a tight space...going 5 mph or less. And yet, There's usually no damage to my car, and little damage to the other car, tree, light pole, house, etc (what? I'm not a bad driver.) Why? It's because of those rubber bumpers. They protect my car from dents, dings, scrapes, and scratches.

In elementary school, I played city league softball. At practice one day, I was up to bat and I hit the ball. I had just reached 1st base when the pitcher threw the ball to the first baseman....and hit me in the head instead. I wasn't wearing a helmet....after all, it was just practice. I don't remember it hurting that bad. I might've cried from the shock (thankfully I wasn't up to fast-pitch yet) and sat out for a minute, but then I was fine. From then on, we wore helmets at practice.

Why am I spouting all of this off randomly?

I realized lately that I have always been protected. Despite the head conks, fender benders, and tornadoes...........I've been in His hands. Under the shadow of His wing. Safe.

What have I got to worry about? There are men and women fighting in wars. Homeless people. Children in abusive homes. Millions of people in worse situations than me. God protects them, too.

And I'm scared of a storm. A storm that proves to me just how powerful my God is.

It doesn't really make sense, does it?

"Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me!
For my soul trusts in You;
And in the shadow of Your wings I will make my refuge,
Until these calamities have passed by."
Psalm 57:1

Those Days

Thursday was one of "those days."

I got 6 hours of sleep, which doesn't sound bad unless you know that I need 9 hours of sleep to be satisfied. Yes. I'm one of those people.

I woke up 20 minutes before I had to leave for work. Which means I showered, dressed, primped, packed a lunch, gathered books and computer, and fed the cat in record time. I also might've forgotten an important piece of paper to give my boss. I'm just glad I remembered pants.

While driving the (approximately) 40 minute commute to work, I scarfed down a banana and some chai. I was almost there....in the middle of Jackson traffic....and I realize....

I'm an hour EARLY.

The library doesn't open til 10. I was supposed to get there at 10. It was 8:34.
*sigh*
(Now would be an appropriate time to tell you that I'm NOT a morning person. So the prospect that I could've gotten more sleep and a less hectic morning, did NOT make me happy in the LEAST.)

So I went to McDonald's and got a Mocha Frappe to cheer myself up. And do a Bible study. And it worked. I was cheered.