In the September issue of Think magazine there is an interview featuring a couple who courted instead of dated before marriage. While it was a well put together article and an interesting read, I disagree with most of its views.
First, let me explain what courting is.
Courting typically begins after the age of 18. Generally, parents choose or suggest a mate for their son or daughter. The young man asks the lady's father for permission to court his daughter. This usually entails supervised outings or time with her family. There is little to no physical touching before marriage, nor is there substantial "private" time between the couple. The only motive for courting is marriage.
Courting is sometimes called the "Biblical way of finding a mate." While there is truth to this, it was also the cultural way to find a mate for that time period. As with other things, such as head coverings, Christians today have evolved in culture perspective since that time.
Now, for the 2 types of dating:
As a general American tradition, the goal is NOT marriage. Now, take into consideration that this is the world's view of dating. The world views dating as a way to have fun and get to know people. It may lead to a relationship, a purely sexual relationship, cohabitation, engagement, or marriage. This is wrong and sinful.
Christian dating is much different. The motive of Christian dating IS marriage. Christians choose who they would like to get to know in the context of dating, based upon mutual interests and characteristics that they are attracted to. They spend time together getting to know each other without substantial involvement from their parents. (Though the approval of their parents is important.) The goal is to find someone who will help you get to heaven.
I believe that those who choose to court their children do so because they are afraid of worldly dating. I also believe that Christian parents should raise their children in a manner that prepares them for Christian dating and the ability to choose a good mate for themselves.
I am not writing this to tell you that courting is wrong. I'm sure it works for some people. But here's why it wouldn't work for me.
1. I don't have a Christian father to find a suitable mate for me. There's no one to ask permission from.
2. I may have stricter regulations for the man I want to marry than I think my mother does. We have different personalities and what I value in a man, is not necessarily what I value.
3. I really need to know the guy before I agree to marry him. I need to spend a lot of time talking to JUST HIM. Being constantly supervised does not leave a lot of time to get to know the other person as well. He will always be putting on a front for the family. People are completely different when they are alone. Once you get to know each other well, you may not like their personality at all. For couple who court, this won't take place until after marriage, in which there is no way out.
Monday, September 12, 2011
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Why Courting is Not for Me...
In the September issue of Think magazine there is an interview featuring a couple who courted instead of dated before marriage. While it was a well put together article and an interesting read, I disagree with most of its views.
First, let me explain what courting is.
Courting typically begins after the age of 18. Generally, parents choose or suggest a mate for their son or daughter. The young man asks the lady's father for permission to court his daughter. This usually entails supervised outings or time with her family. There is little to no physical touching before marriage, nor is there substantial "private" time between the couple. The only motive for courting is marriage.
Courting is sometimes called the "Biblical way of finding a mate." While there is truth to this, it was also the cultural way to find a mate for that time period. As with other things, such as head coverings, Christians today have evolved in culture perspective since that time.
Now, for the 2 types of dating:
As a general American tradition, the goal is NOT marriage. Now, take into consideration that this is the world's view of dating. The world views dating as a way to have fun and get to know people. It may lead to a relationship, a purely sexual relationship, cohabitation, engagement, or marriage. This is wrong and sinful.
Christian dating is much different. The motive of Christian dating IS marriage. Christians choose who they would like to get to know in the context of dating, based upon mutual interests and characteristics that they are attracted to. They spend time together getting to know each other without substantial involvement from their parents. (Though the approval of their parents is important.) The goal is to find someone who will help you get to heaven.
I believe that those who choose to court their children do so because they are afraid of worldly dating. I also believe that Christian parents should raise their children in a manner that prepares them for Christian dating and the ability to choose a good mate for themselves.
I am not writing this to tell you that courting is wrong. I'm sure it works for some people. But here's why it wouldn't work for me.
1. I don't have a Christian father to find a suitable mate for me. There's no one to ask permission from.
2. I may have stricter regulations for the man I want to marry than I think my mother does. We have different personalities and what I value in a man, is not necessarily what I value.
3. I really need to know the guy before I agree to marry him. I need to spend a lot of time talking to JUST HIM. Being constantly supervised does not leave a lot of time to get to know the other person as well. He will always be putting on a front for the family. People are completely different when they are alone. Once you get to know each other well, you may not like their personality at all. For couple who court, this won't take place until after marriage, in which there is no way out.
First, let me explain what courting is.
Courting typically begins after the age of 18. Generally, parents choose or suggest a mate for their son or daughter. The young man asks the lady's father for permission to court his daughter. This usually entails supervised outings or time with her family. There is little to no physical touching before marriage, nor is there substantial "private" time between the couple. The only motive for courting is marriage.
Courting is sometimes called the "Biblical way of finding a mate." While there is truth to this, it was also the cultural way to find a mate for that time period. As with other things, such as head coverings, Christians today have evolved in culture perspective since that time.
Now, for the 2 types of dating:
As a general American tradition, the goal is NOT marriage. Now, take into consideration that this is the world's view of dating. The world views dating as a way to have fun and get to know people. It may lead to a relationship, a purely sexual relationship, cohabitation, engagement, or marriage. This is wrong and sinful.
Christian dating is much different. The motive of Christian dating IS marriage. Christians choose who they would like to get to know in the context of dating, based upon mutual interests and characteristics that they are attracted to. They spend time together getting to know each other without substantial involvement from their parents. (Though the approval of their parents is important.) The goal is to find someone who will help you get to heaven.
I believe that those who choose to court their children do so because they are afraid of worldly dating. I also believe that Christian parents should raise their children in a manner that prepares them for Christian dating and the ability to choose a good mate for themselves.
I am not writing this to tell you that courting is wrong. I'm sure it works for some people. But here's why it wouldn't work for me.
1. I don't have a Christian father to find a suitable mate for me. There's no one to ask permission from.
2. I may have stricter regulations for the man I want to marry than I think my mother does. We have different personalities and what I value in a man, is not necessarily what I value.
3. I really need to know the guy before I agree to marry him. I need to spend a lot of time talking to JUST HIM. Being constantly supervised does not leave a lot of time to get to know the other person as well. He will always be putting on a front for the family. People are completely different when they are alone. Once you get to know each other well, you may not like their personality at all. For couple who court, this won't take place until after marriage, in which there is no way out.
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