Someday...

I want to home school my children.

I want to go to the FHU Lectureships and other spiritual growth workshops every year.

I want to teach children.

I want to have weekly Bible studies with non-Christians.

I want to give someone hope.

I want to help someone escape abuse.

I want to make someone feel like they are needed.

I want to learn and read more about the Bible, God, and Christianity.

I want to be different than the world.

I want to marry someone who will help me conquer the world of sin and replace it with grace.

I want to help those in need, whether it be feeding them, giving them shelter, money, or just a shoulder to cry on.

I want to work hard to make the world better.

I want to travel and teach those far away.

I want to go to heaven.

The Big Decision

You've heard the rumors. I might be moving.

Yeah.

I thought this was it. I thought I was in Henderson for a good 2 years at least. Great apartment, great people, great church family, great jobs.

BOOM!

There went that. Every time that I think I get things worked out, and I think that I will settle down...It's like God says "no no...this world is not your home...do not settle here." I was happy being single. I was going to be single. Then this wonderful wonderful man comes into my life and I would be stupid to just let this perfect man pass by. And his family is great. And even after YEARS of stubbornly rooting myself in Tennessee...I find myself so easily gravitated to Ohio. Why is that? Am I supposed to be there? Do I have a purpose there?

My career in life is with God. My main job here is to spread the Word, bring others to Him, and strengthen the church. And while that is the main goal, I have to support myself. I must have a way of living.

So job searching has proven null and void in Tennessee. Trust me. After millions of applications to multiple places, I got nothing. Job search has been somewhat fruitful in Ohio. I could move there and have a job and opportunities for more jobs.

But now I have to leave. My apartment. My friends. The congregation (especially the youth group). The campus. My family. EVERYTHING that I know and have grown up around.

I have to go where I can make a living. I cannot just sit around a do nothing. If I had a good job here, I would stay here. I'm praying for a job here...still...

This week I have to do a lot of difficult things. Call my landlord. Figure out what to do with my furniture for now. My cat. How I'm going to pay for everything.

My boyfriend's amazing parents are willing to open their home to me until I can get on my feet. This is an awesome blessing and I am so thankful for them. But I cannot help but feel like a burden. And that I'm imposing. Plus, I haven't lived with anyone else for a year. I now have others to consider and learn to live with. Hopefully my time there will be short and I will be able to get back on my feet soon. Hopefully I will be a help to them, and not a burden.

I don't have friends in Ohio. Of course, Jonathan is there. But I need more than him. Not that he isn't amazing. But it would be dumb and impractical if I relied on him to be my only friend. Who can I call to have lunch with? Or girl time?

I love Jonathan. And I am beyond elation that I will get to see him everyday now. I know that with God, all things will work out for the good. I know that God (and Jonathan) will be by my side through all of this to calm me down and help me make decisions.

*sigh* I know that at some point, this whole situation will just be a memory. What happens, happens and I will make it through. I WILL be happy and I WILL make a living. And where there is a WILL there is a WAY.

For now, I just need the prayers and support of my Christian family.

......And a lot of tea.

Jonathan

As most of you know, I just spent 6 days with my sweet boyfriend and his family in Cincinnati. I had a great time. Everything just seems to fit with us.

If you've known me for a long time, you know I was the Queen of Single. For a long time, I detested relationships and the thought of marriage. It had just never turned out well for me before.

Jonathan has changed that for me. He's so respectful. Chivalrous. Gentlemanly. I never thought men could be like that.

When I ask him why he likes me, he says things like my intelligence or personality instead of my appearance.

He goes to extreme lengths to take care of me and protect me.

He cares about my opinion. He thinks I'm smart.

He never puts me down, especially in public. He never says bad things about me to anyone. He doesn't even playfully berate me.

Jonathan encourages me to be a better Christian. We both want to pray and study and worship together.

Like everyone, we have our disagreements. We have spats and I hang up on him and he stops talking. But we always talk it out before bed. It's usually a product of stress or a misunderstanding. We always learn from it though and know better for the next time.

His family likes me. This has never happened before. The families of my exes always hated me. This is a big deal to me.

I know we've only been together for 2 months. And IF we get engaged it will be years from now, but I know one thing: I hope he's the one. I'm in no hurry and neither is he. But I don't know anyone who could be a better fit. It just feels right. It's so much better than any other relationship I've been in.

God's Summer

All summer long I've been planning this amazing post about everything I'm doing.

I had great plans for this summer. It was to be the best summer ever.

It started with being more involved with the youth group. Retreat, the Atlanta trip, Horizons, weekly devos. Lots of traveling. the cruise to Mexico. Atlanta. Trips to Memphis, Nashville, Cincinnati. Friends and friends galore. My wonderful jobs. My wonderful apartment. My wonderful boyfriend.

But I think when we get too busy with our plans, God decides to bring us back to His Plan.

I got laid off of both of my jobs. Because of that, I was unable to do Horizons. I can't afford to do as many things as I'd like. I don't know what kind of job I will get or where. I don't know if I will have to move and lose my great apartment. Or move closer to my boyfriend. I don't know if I'll be able to make my rent, much less go shopping for frivolous decorations for my apartment.

This is not MY summer. This is God's summer. He gave it to me. He knows how it will end. He will take care of me. I must change my plans accordingly to fit HIS will.

And through all that, one thing has never changed: This is the best summer of my life. :-)