Jonathan will be here in less than 3 hours. I find myself running around the house cleaning up a storm and planning supper for tonight. I want things to be perfect.
I just texted him to ask his opinion on something before I did it. It didn't have anything to do with him, but I wanted his opinion because I respect it.
On the one hand, I'm starting to be more submissive and less independent. Relying on him more. This is normal. This is good.
On the other hand, I'm freaking out. Why did I need to ask his opinion? I am capable of making my own decisions. Why do I feel the need to cook and clean for him? He can take care of himself and I'm SURE he won't even care if my house is clean.
Where's the balance here? He certainly does not expect or ask me to do these things for him. I just want to.
But why? What happened to those years of "I don't need a man. I don't want to rely on someone else. I want to be completely self sufficient." After years of that, WHY do I suddenly WANT to rely on him?
Not that he isn't worthy of that. He's a perfect balance between letting me have independence, make my own decisions (even bad ones)...and then gives me advice when I need it...and then says no to things that are not good and that he will not do nor wants me to do.
Maybe that's why it's so hard. He's not forcing submission on me. Nor is he indifferent about everything. He's moderate.
He makes me happy. He improved my quality of life.
Hello, identity crisis.
Domestic?????
Jonathan will be here in less than 3 hours. I find myself running around the house cleaning up a storm and planning supper for tonight. I want things to be perfect.
I just texted him to ask his opinion on something before I did it. It didn't have anything to do with him, but I wanted his opinion because I respect it.
On the one hand, I'm starting to be more submissive and less independent. Relying on him more. This is normal. This is good.
On the other hand, I'm freaking out. Why did I need to ask his opinion? I am capable of making my own decisions. Why do I feel the need to cook and clean for him? He can take care of himself and I'm SURE he won't even care if my house is clean.
Where's the balance here? He certainly does not expect or ask me to do these things for him. I just want to.
But why? What happened to those years of "I don't need a man. I don't want to rely on someone else. I want to be completely self sufficient." After years of that, WHY do I suddenly WANT to rely on him?
Not that he isn't worthy of that. He's a perfect balance between letting me have independence, make my own decisions (even bad ones)...and then gives me advice when I need it...and then says no to things that are not good and that he will not do nor wants me to do.
Maybe that's why it's so hard. He's not forcing submission on me. Nor is he indifferent about everything. He's moderate.
He makes me happy. He improved my quality of life.
Hello, identity crisis.
I just texted him to ask his opinion on something before I did it. It didn't have anything to do with him, but I wanted his opinion because I respect it.
On the one hand, I'm starting to be more submissive and less independent. Relying on him more. This is normal. This is good.
On the other hand, I'm freaking out. Why did I need to ask his opinion? I am capable of making my own decisions. Why do I feel the need to cook and clean for him? He can take care of himself and I'm SURE he won't even care if my house is clean.
Where's the balance here? He certainly does not expect or ask me to do these things for him. I just want to.
But why? What happened to those years of "I don't need a man. I don't want to rely on someone else. I want to be completely self sufficient." After years of that, WHY do I suddenly WANT to rely on him?
Not that he isn't worthy of that. He's a perfect balance between letting me have independence, make my own decisions (even bad ones)...and then gives me advice when I need it...and then says no to things that are not good and that he will not do nor wants me to do.
Maybe that's why it's so hard. He's not forcing submission on me. Nor is he indifferent about everything. He's moderate.
He makes me happy. He improved my quality of life.
Hello, identity crisis.
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